Articles by Hope Is Alive

Fruit of the Spirit: Self-Control

Finding Hope Team

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Self-Control

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22–26

Loving someone who abuses substances while embodying the "fruit of the Spirit" of self-control can be a challenging journey. When loving an addict, self-control is essential for your own mental, spiritual, and physical health. By following the fruit of the Spirit of self-control, you can begin to get your life back. Here are some ways you can show self-control:

Setting Boundaries: Self-control helps you establish and maintain healthy boundaries. You need to know when to say "no" to enabling behaviors that may inadvertently support the addict's destructive habits. This might involve resisting the temptation to give them money, lie for them, or cover up their actions.
Avoiding Codependency: It's easy to become emotionally entangled with an addict, leading to codependency. Self-control enables you to maintain your independence, self-worth, and identity outside of the addict's struggles.
Support Without Enabling: Loving an addict means offering support without enabling their addiction. Self-control allows you to discern when to provide help when it's appropriate and withhold it when it might perpetuate their destructive behavior.
Detaching with Love: Detachment doesn’t mean you do not love the addict; rather, you love them and yourself enough to detach from the chaos of their addiction.

Remember that loving someone who abuses substances is incredibly challenging, and it's essential to seek support for yourself. This could come in the form of attending Finding Hope, seeing a counselor, or talking to other Finding Hope members. Ultimately, combining self-control with love, empathy, and a commitment to the well-being of both yourself and the addict can help create a healthier environment for everyone involved.

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Fruit of the Spirit: Peace and Patience

Peace and Patience

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22–26

Peace

Peace is about maintaining a sense of calmness and serenity in the midst of difficult situations. When you love someone addicted to drugs or alcohol, it can be hard to find that peace and serenity. So how do you get there? Here are three ways:

1. Prayer and Meditation: The Serenity Prayer is a great place to begin, “God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change.”
- What are those things you cannot change? What is outside your control that you need God to give you peace about?
2. Boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries to protect your own well-being can give you a sense of peace.
- Do you need to say, “No”? Do you need to put your phone on “do not disturb”? Do you need to stop trying to fix all the problems?
3. Self-Care: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually can give you the peace you have not yet experienced.
- Are you getting enough rest? Are you eating healthy? Are you finding 5-10 minutes each day just for you? Are you connected to a Finding Hope meeting?

We have no control over the outcome of the difficult situations in our lives; we can only work to maintain our peace through these times. When we learn to fully trust that God is in control, we can rest in His perfect peace.

Patience

We live in a fast-paced world, and being patient is difficult. We get used to the go, go, go, and always want a quick answer and fix, especially when we love someone in addiction. But, Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.”

We must be still and trust God. Trust that He sees the big picture. Trust that He is able to do what only He can do. Trust that He loves your loved one more than you do. Trust in His timing.

Sometimes, we may not feel like God is doing anything, so we quickly begin to do His job for him. But we must be patient and believe His timing is best. Remember: God is working on you as well as your loved one, so take time to be still and patient.

Fruit of the Spirit: Love and Joy

Love and Joy

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22–26

Love

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “love the person, not the sin.” The same is true with our loved ones: love them, but not their addiction. Can you still show love to your loved one without enabling, setting boundaries, and detaching? Yes. It may not feel like love when you tell them “no,” don’t give them money, or kick them out for using, and they may even say as much and tell you you don’t love them anymore, but by doing this, you are showing them love. You love them so much that you’re getting out of their way and giving them the opportunity to seek help. I always tell people that you show true love by not enabling, setting a firm boundary, and detaching from the chaos.

Remember the prodigal son and his father? Did his father ever stop loving him? No. Did his son know who to run home to when he was ready for change and help? Yes. The father knew his love for his son wasn’t going to save him — the love from our Father would — and the dad needed to love his son enough to let him go.

Joy

We want it so badly, but we can’t seem to find it.

WHY?

I believe the answer is that we allow our trials in life to take hold of us and become our guide spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. We are so focused on “fixing” the trials that we allow those very trials to direct our everyday life instead of trusting God to be our compass through those times.

James chapter 1 talks about how we will be met with various trials in life. We don’t get to pick our trials. We only get to decide how we will respond to our trials. We must put our trust in God. God is on the side of those who trust Him through life's most difficult moments, including your loved one’s addiction. Give it to God and trust Him to do what only He can do. Our faith only grows stronger when tested by trials.

Fruit of the Spirit: Kindness and Goodness

Kindness and Goodness

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22–26

Kindness

Kindness is defined as “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.”

Matthew 5:44 says, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Kindness begins by loving and praying for others, but it can be hard to show kindness when others are not kind to you. When our loved ones are in active addiction, they don’t always treat us kindly, which makes it more difficult to show them kindness. So, how do we do that when we might feel resentful, angry, and frustrated? You can:

Avoid judgmental attitudes or blaming. Instead, offer a non-judgmental and safe space where they can share their thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism.
Offer encouragement and reassurance. Let them know you love them and are praying for them.
Show yourself kindness by investing in your own recovery and yourself.

“Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy loving kindnesses; for they have been ever of old.” Psalm 25:6

Goodness

When we act out of the true goodness of the heart and reflect the fruit of the Spirit, we are obedient to God’s commandments. Goodness can often be seen in our actions, but our heart also has to be pure. The goodness of Christ is to be demonstrated in our lives every day. Psalm 23:6 says, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

When we love someone in addiction, we must be careful that these actions do not enable our loved one but rather help them. We also need to make sure our motives and hearts are in the right place and our goodness isn’t for an ulterior motive (if I do this, then they will…). Here are a few ways we can show the fruit of the Spirit of goodness with our loved ones:

It's essential to set boundaries that protect your own well-being, as well as to protect the well-being of your loved ones. Boundaries can help maintain a sense of goodness and integrity.
It’s beneficial to seek your own recovery, even if your loved one is sober.
Remember to stop, pause, and pray before you respond.
Know the difference between helping and enabling. Helping is doing for others what they truly cannot do for themselves; enabling is doing things for others that they should be able to do for themselves.

Fruit of the Spirit: Faithfulness and Gentleness

Faithfulness and Gentleness

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22-26

Faithfulness

Faith is a complete belief and confidence in God and all of His promises. When we live by faith, we trust God’s goodness and plan for our lives as well as our loved ones.

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is a confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Faithfulness is a total commitment to God that goes far beyond human understanding. We must remember that God sees the whole picture and knows what the future holds for us, and that we do not. We only see small glimpses of things right in front of us, so we must have faith in God during this journey. With that faith, we show others our faithfulness.

As we love someone with a substance use disorder, we can show the fruit of the Spirit of faithfulness by surrendering and praying for them daily, as well as by showing love with no judgment.

Gentleness

Gentleness is the quality or characteristic of being kind, tender, compassionate, and considerate. To be gentle means to show love and to care for others in the ways you act and speak. When we love someone who abuses substances, it can sometimes be easy to forget to approach them with gentleness.

You can show gentleness and compassion toward your loved one when you realize their substance abuse is a disease, a battle they must fight every single day. We must show compassion by not yelling at them about their addiction.
Remember to pause, pray, and respond. By pausing and praying, you can respond intentionally with gentleness rather than reacting instinctively in anger.
We need to remember the power our words hold. “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt.” This old saying is false! Words can hurt more than we know, so remember this saying instead: “When you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”
Gentleness also means setting boundaries to protect your well-being and not approaching your loved one out of anger and boldness.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

God Has Me Where He Wants Me: The Story of Mike Summers

God Has Me Where He Wants Me: The Story of Mike Summers

“I’ve been through things I can’t even explain, and I’m still here. There’s only one reason for that: God has me where He wants me.”

When Mike Summers first walked into a rehab program in Arkansas, he wasn’t sure he belonged there.

“I had burned every bridge with my family. I was ashamed, isolated, and just flat done with life,” he remembers.

That’s when he met Shawn Baker.

“Shawn walked in, and it was like a breath of fresh air. Most of the guys in rehab were rough. But Shawn was different. It was like God put him there just for me.”

That friendship would become one of the anchors of Mike’s recovery — even though his path was anything but straight.

Mike Summers grew up in Fayetteville, Arkansas. By all accounts, he had a good childhood. He had a loving mother, who was the center of his world, and a caring step-dad. There wasn't any turmoil in his house.

But after high school, everything changed. Sports had become Mike’s identity, and when an injury in college ended his athletic career, he lost his sense of direction.

“I didn’t realize it then,” he said, “but I wasn’t just making bad choices. I think I was searching for a purpose.”

That search led to marijuana, then meth, and eventually time in jail. From there, things spiraled to a place Mike never imagined.

“For 30+ years, drugs and alcohol ran my life,” he shared. “Every relapse got worse because I thought, what’s the point? I’m already too far gone.”

But God wasn’t done with Mike.

One night, everything came to a head. Mike was ambushed by two men he thought he could trust. They beat him for eight hours — shattering his face, breaking his ribs, and leaving him unconscious. Believing he was dead, they stuffed him in the trunk of a car, planning to burn it with him inside.

But on the way, a police officer noticed something and gave chase. The car crashed, and at that moment, Mike woke up in the trunk.

“I pulled the emergency latch, and there were paramedics and cops waiting,” he said. “If that cop hadn’t chased them, I wouldn’t be here.”

That brush with death gave Mike a brief window of clarity. He got sober for a time and went back to school, earning his bachelor’s degree. He even got married. For four years, he managed to stay away from meth. But a back surgery led to pain pills, and everything spiraled again.

“I lost my teaching program. My mom died. My wife divorced me and took my kid. And then I really, really spiraled.”

A few years later, Mike finally reached out for help and went to treatment at the same place as Shawn Baker. When Mike got out of treatment, he did well, staying sober for about a year before relapsing again.

Meanwhile, his health was deteriorating. While working cattle, he had a heart attack. He’d ignored the warning signs because he didn’t see the point in addressing them. But the doctors fixed him up nonetheless, and within two weeks, he was right back on drugs.

“I just couldn’t stop,” he admitted.

By the time COVID hit, things had spiraled even further. Mike was sick, worn down, and completely broken. Desperate, Mike borrowed a phone and called Shawn. By then, Shawn was part of Hope is Alive.

“I told him, ‘I’m about to kill myself. I can’t stop drinking. I can’t stop using.’”

That spurred Shawn into action, leading him to pick Mike up and bring him to his home in Yukon, Oklahoma. That next morning, something was terribly wrong. Mike woke around 5 a.m., unable to breathe. With Shawn already at work, he called out to Shawn’s wife, Leslie, and told her, “I need an emergency room. Now.”

Doctors prepared Mike’s family for the worst. His kidneys had failed, his heart was weak, and life support was keeping him alive.

“Give me 48 more hours,” one doctor told his brothers. “If nothing changes, we’ll have to talk about options.”

But within an hour of that conversation, Mike’s kidney function began to rise and his heart rate improved. It was enough to get him off life support, though he remained in intensive care for several more weeks. Continuous dialysis removed bag after bag of fluid from his body as he quietly fought to stay alive.

“I didn’t think my family loved me anymore,” Mike said. “But when I opened my eyes, all of my sisters, my brothers, my nephews — about fifteen people — were there.”

During one dialysis session, staff handed Mike a Do Not Resuscitate form.

“I just started crying,” he remembered.

It was then that a nurse came to his side, held his hand, and said, “You’re going to be okay. I’m not leaving you.”

That moment meant more to Mike than she could have possibly realized, and she also made sure he always got the same room near the nurses’ station, where he felt safe.

“She was my angel, and I never got to thank her,” Mike said.

Despite dire predictions, Mike’s body healed. His kidneys began functioning at 70%. His heart improved from 40% to 50%. Even his doctor shook his head and said, “Your God is good. You shouldn’t be alive.”

On March 6th, 2024, with nowhere to go, Shawn and Leslie opened their home to him again. Leslie got him on the right diet, made sure he exercised, and cared for him like family. By April 10th, 2024, Mike was accepted into Hope is Alive.

Now, more than 18 months sober, Mike says the fellowship and brotherhood at HIA have changed his life.

“The guys, the community — that’s the heart and soul of HIA,” he said.

Mike also found healing in classes he never thought he needed, including those about codependency and trauma.

“I didn’t think I had childhood trauma,” he admitted. “But losing sports and losing my identity were my trauma.”

Now, Mike often thinks back to something his mother told him before passing away:

“You’re a drug addict for a reason. Someday, when you get well, you’ll be able to help somebody. People will listen to someone who’s been there.”

That’s now Mike’s mission: to share his story so others know there’s hope.

“God has me where He wants me,” he said. “And now, I just want to help somebody else.”

God's Promise to Provide Strength for Every Battle

God's Promise to Provide Strength for Every Battle

When we face battles in this lifetime, like addiction, we have to remember the fight is not ours to fight; it’s God’s. Imagine going to battle alone and trying to fight this beast by yourself. Would you be able to? No. You would quickly realize your weakness, surrender, and cry out for help. So, instead of fighting this battle (whatever it might be) alone until you are completely weak physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, give it to God to fight for you today, just like in the story of David and Goliath.

David told the Philistine that even though they came with a sword and spear, David came ready to fight with the greatest weapon of all: God. David was weak, but God gave him the strength to defeat this giant with just a stone and a sling, and He will give you the strength to fight your battles too. But will you allow God to fight the battles for you? Will you step out of the way so that He can have the chance to even fight this for your loved one? Addiction is a beast, but our God is bigger and stronger and will fight with us and our loved ones; we just need to step out of the way and give it to Him.

Isaiah 40:31 tells us that even when it seems like we can't go another day in this battle, God will grant us renewed strength that only He can give us to keep pushing on. He is there in our weakest times, but are you willing to let Him in?

Here are some other examples in God’s word about Him fighting our battles:

Old Testament Promises:

Psalms 73:26
Psalms 18:39
Isaiah 40:31
1 Samuel 17:45

New Testament Promises:

Ephesians 6:10-18
James 5:13-16
Romans 8:31-32
Romans 8:37-39

I remember believing my husband’s addiction was my battle to fight. I did all the research, looked for ways to get him clean and sober, but it wasn’t until I truly threw my hands up and said, “I can’t do this. I don’t know how to get him sober,” that God was able to step in and fight this battle for both of us. A couple of weeks later, my husband did the same thing. He surrendered and went to treatment. I believe I had to surrender first and step out of the way so that God could fight the battle and get my husband to a place of surrender too. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen as quickly as we would like, but knowing this is God’s battle and not our’s allows us to get back to a healthy place physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

God’s Promise to Protect in the Midst of Addiction

God’s Promise to Protect in the Midst of Addiction

I’ll never forget one of the days I was in the car with my kids listening to Veggie Tales. The song “Oh no, What We Gonna Do?” came playing through the speakers. This song is based on the story from Daniel 6. Many hear this story at a young age, but forget the significance of it in their adult life.

Take a moment to stop and think about the magnitude of this story. Daniel could have easily ignored the law and worshiped King Darius, but he didn’t; he kept his faith in God. Even though he knew the extreme consequences, he trusted that God would protect him. And guess what? God did. God protected him from not only one, but several lions. I can’t imagine all the emotions Daniel experienced when he entered the lion's den. But he trusted and continued to pray, and God protected him.

We continue to see God’s promise of protection throughout scripture, including Isaac, Joseph, Jonah, Moses, Paul, and so many more.

Old Testament Promises:

Daniel 6:21-23
Exodus 14:13-14
Deuteronomy 20:4
Psalm 23:1-6
2 Samuel 22:3-4

New Testament Promises:

Ephesians 6:11-13
John 3: 16-17
John 16:33
Luke 12:32

When addiction hits our homes, we go to great lengths to try to protect our loved ones. We do anything and everything we can think of to keep them safe, which ultimately leads to us enabling their bad habits. We forget we are not God. We are not the ones who can fully protect them; only God can do that. I know that it is extremely hard to let go because we can’t imagine our loved one sleeping on the streets or in a car, living in a drug house, going to prison, and possibly dying. But the truth is, God will protect them just like He protected Daniel. We must have faith like Daniel did and believe that His plan of protection is greater than our own.

As I think back to when my husband was active in his addiction, there are many times when God protected him. My husband was an alcoholic, and there were many times he drove intoxicated, probably even with the girls and me in the car, but God always brought us home safely. I am forever grateful for His protection during that time.

“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3

God’s Promise of Grace to Endure All Suffering

God’s Promise of Grace to Endure All Suffering

I will never forget how I felt during my husband’s active addiction. It was complete misery. I truly believed this suffering I was feeling (and that my husband was feeling) was going to last forever, and we would never get out of it. But by God’s grace, He restored and strengthened both of us just like the promise we see in 1 Peter.

The book of 1 Peter is a letter written by Peter. He reminds Gentile Christians that they will endure sufferings. But he also encourages them by telling them they are chosen by God. Therefore, they can place their HOPE in Jesus.

1 Peter 5:10–11 says, “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”

It doesn’t say if you suffer, but after you suffer. I love the truth that Peter speaks here: We will all suffer, life will be hard, and there will be trials in our lives. But that’s not all. He continues to say, “The God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” God owns ALL grace. It may not feel like we will ever see peaceful days, but one day God will restore everything to the way it is supposed to be in His eyes.

We are not meant to suffer alone. You have a Finding Hope community that understands your suffering. You also have a loving God who wants you to cling to Him through your sufferings so that He can give you the strength to get through each trial.

Through our sufferings, we have the power to strengthen our faith and our love for God.

Old Testament Promises:

Psalms 23:6
Isaiah 43:2
Psalms 119:50

New Testament Promises:

1 Peter 3:14
Romans 8:28
James 1:12
2 Corinthians 1:5

Hold on to this promise today: You will NEVER suffer without God’s gentle hand of grace upon you.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

God’s Promise to Never Stop Loving You

God’s Promise to Never Stop Loving You

God promises to never stop loving you or your loved one.

God's love is unconditional. He loved you the moment He formed you, and that love will never end.

I love what Paul writes in Romans 8:38–39: “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow — not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below — indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

There is NOTHING you can say or do to stop God from loving you. The same is true for your loved one. NOTHING can ever separate us from God’s love, not even addiction.

However, through our loved ones’ addiction, we often do not feel loved. Maybe we have even been told “I don’t love you” or “You don’t love me, because…” And before long, we believe those lies. We believe that it is something we did to make our loved one feel that way, but that is the enemy speaking. The truth is, your loved one does love you, and they know you love them. But they are trapped by this disease and will say and do anything to feed their addiction and get a rise out of you. They make their love/your love conditional, and say things like, “If you loved me, then you would buy me gas or let me stay just one night.” That is because addicts do not like boundaries, and their addiction can only thrive if we continue to enable and rescue them. The truth is, true love can be tough love.

We can lean on God’s love for us to get us through each moment because His love is unconditional. We see God’s unconditional love through the sacrifice of His own son. Jesus died on the cross for you, me, our loved ones, and this world.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” — John 3:16–17

God sacrificed His own son and watched as Jesus endured more pain than we will ever experience because of His LOVE for us.

Here are just a few more verses about God’s promise to never stop loving you or your loved one:

Old Testament Promises:

Psalms 136:26
Jeremiah 31:3
Lamentations 3:22-23

New Testament Promises:

Romans 8:35
Ephesians 2:4-5
1 Corinthians 13:13

“so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17–19

God's Promise to Never Leave

Loving an Addict & Living with Grief | Bible Reading Plan