Articles by Hope Is Alive

Finding the Courage to Trust Again

Finding Hope Team

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Finding the Courage to Trust Again

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

What is Trust?

Trust is the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. It’s the deep confidence that you can feel emotionally and physically safe in a relationship. Trust allows you to be vulnerable, to show up as your whole self without fear of betrayal or judgment. When there is trust in a relationship, both people can be authentically themselves.

At Finding Hope, we often say: “We lose trust in bucketfuls, but we gain it back in teaspoons.”

If you’ve loved someone trapped by substance use, you probably know exactly what this means. When my ex-husband relapsed, I didn’t just lose trust — I lost my sense of safety, hope, and clarity. Every late night, every forgotten promise, and every lie chipped away at my bucket of trust.

How Our Loved Ones Lose Our Trust

Let’s be honest: watching someone you love spiral is traumatic. Their actions, fueled by substance use, slowly (or sometimes quickly) dismantle the trust you once had. When he would show up late, or I would catch him in a lie about where he was — again — I felt crazy. But I wasn’t. I was a woman caught in the chaos of someone else’s addiction. You may have experienced similar moments where your loved one:

Showed up late
Broke promises
Hid receipts or substances
Lied about their whereabouts
Disrespected your boundaries
Continually relapsed

When We Don’t Trust, We Try to Control

When trust is gone, we often go into survival mode. I tried to fix it all. I micromanaged his schedule, monitored his behavior, and made excuses. But my attempts to control his addiction weren’t helping him or healing me.

Trying to control someone leads to chaos. It fuels anxiety, frustration, and resentment. The truth is, we have no control over others.

Our attempts to be in control only steal our peace.
Our true trust belongs with the Lord.

Scripture Reminds Us:

“Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.” Isaiah 26:4

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

Surrender is where lasting peace and healing truly begin.

I’ve learned that surrender isn’t giving up — it’s giving over. After my ex-husband's most recent relapse, I had to surrender my desire to “make him get better.” I had to hand him over to the only One who truly can.

What to Surrender:

Your will
Your relationship with your loved one
Your expectations
Your doubt and worry
Your fear and heartbreak

The old me would have scrambled, begged, and manipulated in order to get him to stop. But this time, I sat in my room and whispered through tears: “Lord, I surrender him to You.” And though nothing in my circumstances changed immediately, my heart did. Peace flooded the very place where fear used to live.

Trusting Yourself Again

Do you trust yourself? When trust has been broken, it’s not just your loved one you stop trusting — it’s often yourself too. You begin to doubt your decisions, your instincts, and even your own worth.

Addiction often brings gaslighting, which is when your loved one twists reality so much that you begin to question yourself. Maybe they’ve told you you’re “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or even “crazy.” I’ve been there, and I know how deeply it shakes your confidence.

But here’s the truth: you are not crazy. You are not imagining things. And you can learn to trust yourself again.

How? By speaking truth over yourself when the lies feel loud. By calling a trusted friend before you spiral. By seeking counseling. And most of all, by reminding yourself that your worth and your clarity come from God, not from the approval of a broken person.

Rebuilding Trust with Your Loved One

Forgiveness and trust are not the same. You can forgive someone, but rebuilding trust takes time.

Lysa TerKeurst says it best: “Trust is built with time plus believable behavior.”

What does that mean to you?

To rebuild trust, I had to pay attention to actions, not just apologies. I had to see consistency, honesty, and humility. Communication helped too — honest, grace-filled conversations using “I feel” statements:

“I feel anxious when you don’t answer the phone.”
“I feel triggered when you come home late.”

Rebuilding Trust with Yourself

Perhaps the hardest person to trust again… is yourself. I’ve had to fight through guilt, shame, and regret. I questioned every decision I made during those 24 years of marriage. But little by little, I’ve started to believe in my own strength again.

Tips to Rebuild Self-Trust:

Say the truth out loud — even when gaslighting tries to convince you otherwise
Call a friend or mentor for perspective
Journal your wins, even small ones
Pursue counseling or support groups
Practice grace: healing isn’t linear

Final Thoughts

Healing is holy work.

I know what it’s like to cry yourself to sleep, wondering if it’s ever going to get better. I know what it’s like to question God in the middle of a heartbreak you didn’t choose. But I also know the beauty of surrender, the power of community, and the grace of a God who never breaks His promises.

You are not alone. And you can learn to trust again, in God, your loved one (if they earn it), and most of all… yourself.

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With hope,

Darcie Stephens, Finding Hope Coordinator

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For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

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Why Intimate Relationships Are the #1 Cause of Relapse

Why Intimate Relationships Are the #1 Cause of Relapse

We were created for relationship — first and foremost with our Heavenly Father. But in addiction, that divine connection is often severed. Substances become a false comfort, a counterfeit form of intimacy that numbs the pain of rejection, abandonment, and shame.

At Hope is Alive, we walk with men and women every day who are rebuilding their lives after the wreckage of addiction. And while relapse can have many causes — trauma, stress, isolation — one pattern stands out above the rest: intimate relationships.

More people relapse because of unhealthy romantic relationships than any other single factor. It’s not because love is bad. On the contrary, love is a gift from God. But outside of His timing, and without the foundation of emotional and spiritual maturity, intimate relationships often become dangerous distractions — pulling us away from the very healing we so desperately need.

As a former resident and now alumni with seven years of sobriety, I had to learn this the hard way. I had become addicted to sex and love from a young age prior to my substance abuse. The Hope is Alive curriculum and my mentor, Allyson Lang, helped guide me through this. Even though I wanted to seek out a relationship, I trusted those who were leading me at HIA, and I chose to wait to date.

Substituting People for the Presence of God

When someone enters recovery, their heart is still hungry for connection. It’s tempting to believe a romantic relationship will meet that need. But instead of healing, what often follows is emotional chaos — jealousy, insecurity, dependency, and heartbreak. For someone whose emotional stability is still fragile, these powerful emotions can quickly lead back to old coping mechanisms.

One of the greatest dangers in early recovery is replacing our need for God with our desire for people. We see it all the time — a resident starts to grow, begins to feel better, and then meets someone. Suddenly, their focus shifts. Time in God’s Word fades. Accountability becomes optional. Church is replaced with phone calls and coffee dates. Before long, they’re spiritually dry and emotionally reactive. Inevitably, the relationship struggles — and in the absence of the Lord’s strength, the person falls back into addiction.

The main problem that exists for me, and many others in addiction, is not knowing what love actually is. We chase the intoxicating idea of love, and while it feels good in the moment, just like substances, the high eventually wears off. Searching for happiness in someone else is really just a cover for insecurity.

The truth is, no human relationship can do what only God can. When we look to a boyfriend or girlfriend to heal our brokenness, fill our emptiness, or make us feel whole, we are asking them to be a savior. And that role is already filled by Jesus.

Building on Solid Ground

At Hope is Alive, we challenge our residents to wait — not because we want to control them, but because we want them to thrive. Waiting a year before entering a romantic relationship gives space for deep inner healing: reconnecting with God, discovering identity, developing emotional sobriety, and learning healthy boundaries.

Scripture tells us in Matthew 6:33, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” That includes relationships. When you seek God first, He aligns everything else — including love — in His perfect timing. The wrong relationship at the wrong time can dismantle what God is trying to restore.

Just like my alcoholism, I am not cured of my sex and love addiction. It is something I continue to face every single day. I waited my first four years in sobriety to start dating. Because of that patience and hard work in my personal growth, God exceedingly and abundantly answered the desires of my heart. I married my best friend and love of my life, Joy, in June of 2023. We have been married for two years, and I am forever grateful to HIA and my leaders for the life I get to live today.

So, I urge you — don’t trade what’s eternal for what feels good today. Don’t rush the process. Trust that your Heavenly Father knows your heart, your desires, and your future. Until then, pursue the only relationship that will never let you down — the one with Jesus Christ. In Him is the love you’ve always been searching for.

—Grant Green, Director of Program Operations

Are You Responding or Reacting to Your Loved One’s Addiction?

Are You Responding or Reacting to Your Loved One’s Addiction?

Life can be unpredictable when you love someone who struggles with substance use.

You don’t know what to do — or what not to do.
You don’t know what to believe — or what not to believe.
You don’t know what to say — or what not to say.

It’s all hard. Hard when your loved one is actively using, and still hard when they’re sober. Deep down, you may live with the constant fear that doing the wrong thing could lead to relapse, jail, or even death.

At Finding Hope, we often talk about the difference between reacting and responding.

Reacting is quick and impulsive. It often comes from survival mode, with the unconscious mind running the show. At that moment, we may rely on old defense mechanisms or go on autopilot. It might feel like a solution, but in the long run, reacting rarely helps anyone — not your loved one, and not you.

Too often, we are slow to listen and quick to solve the problem — quick to yell, quick to shame, quick to defend. But what might happen if we were quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry? We sometimes forget that we can influence those around us, both negatively and positively.

Just last week, I woke up to a message on my phone that truly angered me. I wanted to yell back and defend myself. But I knew if I did, the conversation would go nowhere. So I practiced responding instead of reacting. I took a deep breath, prayed, and opened God’s Word.

Responding, on the other hand, is intentional. It means slowing down, weighing the situation carefully, and considering both the short-term and long-term impact. Responding helps you stay aligned with your values and maintain peace within yourself.

Sometimes, the healthiest response… is to do nothing at all.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel triggered or overwhelmed, try these three simple steps before reacting:

Stop, take a deep breath, and pray.
Call a trusted Finding Hope leader or group member.
Make sure you’re in a clear and healthy headspace before you respond — if you need to respond at all.

This week, take time to reflect. Write down situations where you reacted or felt unsure of how to respond. Pray through those moments. What might a healthier response look like next time?

Some examples might include:

Your loved one frequently shows up late — or not at all — to family dinners.
They relapse in their sober living home and ask to come back home.
Other family members continue to enable, even though you’ve stopped.
Your loved one drives away from your house under the influence.
They call from jail, asking for bail and promising (for the third time) to get help if you do.

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“Stop fighting, and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.” Psalm 46:10 (CSB)

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For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

The Impact of Donors on Hope is Alive Residents

Coping Skills for Triggers, Stress, and Anxiety

Coping Skills for Triggers, Stress, and Anxiety

Triggers — those moments that remind us of past trauma — can lead to stress, which then opens the door to anxiety and depression. If not addressed, these emotions can consume us. That’s why we’re focusing on healthy coping skills and inviting Jesus into our healing process.

Understanding Trauma: Trauma shows up in different ways:

Physical trauma can include heartbreaking experiences like witnessing overdoses, calling the police on a loved one, or enduring violence.
Emotional trauma might look like manipulation, emotional neglect, or the breakdown of healthy communication.

Identifying Your Triggers:

Late-night phone calls
A loved one not answering texts
Requests for money
Hearing of someone else’s relapse
Mail from jails, courts, or collection agencies

What are some of your triggers?

For me, one trigger is seeing my husband’s truck in the driveway before 5:00 p.m. After ten years of healing and learning, I’ve found that communicating my feelings with him — not with accusation, but with honesty — makes a big difference. Now, he sends a quick text if he’ll be home early. That simple act helps calm the anxious thoughts before they take over.

These triggers can often lead to stress and anxiety.

Coping Skills

Brain Dump: Write down every worry or thought swirling in your mind.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and release different muscle groups to release tension.
Imagery: Picture a place of peace — maybe a beach with Jesus walking beside you.
Mental Exercises: Recite Scripture, do a puzzle, or repeat calming truths out loud.
Mindfulness: Notice your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
Breathing techniques: Take deep, slow breaths to calm your body.
Grounding: Use your senses to come back to the present moment.
- Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.
Massage Your Hand: With attention and focus
Physical Activity: Walk, dance, working out, or do a hobby.
Zoom out: How will this feel six months from now?
Serve: Do something for someone else.
Distractions: Watch a movie, listen to music, laugh, play a game.
Break from Social Media/News: Give your mind space to breathe.
Pet (or Baby) Therapy: Spend time with a furry friend or little one.
Journal: Put pen to paper to slow down your brain; write Jesus a letter.
Finding Hope: Podcast, Bible plans on the YouVersion app, call your Hope Giver.
Surround yourself with Jesus: The BEST thing you can do. Pray, read the Word, listen to worship music, etc. Remember, you have the Holy Spirit inside you!

What is one coping skill you can practice today and add to your tool belt?

*Remember, if you are struggling with triggers, anxiety, or depression, it’s important to seek support from a professional counselor.

“Peace I leave with you: my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27 NIV

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For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

Jasco Lights the Way to Addiction Recovery

Jasco Lights the Way to Addiction Recovery

What does a home electronics company have to do with sobriety?

Established as a family-owned and operated company in 1975, Jasco Products is now an industry leader in home electronics. After decades of growth, Jasco’s leadership felt convicted to start returning 50 percent of all net proceeds to charity, ministry, and philanthropy. Today, they give to Hope is Alive.

“Our leadership believed that Jasco is God’s company, and they want to utilize the resources and blessings God has given them to make a difference in the world,” said Jeff Cato, Jasco VP of Marketing & E-Commerce. “It’s all about multiplying the business and its impact in the community.”

Jasco formed a team tasked with finding community organizations and charities in alignment with their company values and mission.

“Our recovery home program helps people from day one. And one thing a lot of people don’t know is that 100% of our residents hear the Gospel while they’re in our homes,” said Ari Patchen, HIA Director of Community Development.

This spiritual emphasis resonated with Jasco, and the company entered a partnership with HIA in 2016.

“Jasco employees began to get involved with HIA at our events and our Sunday night meetings; we’ve even had some guys come to our resident Bible studies,” Ari said.

Jasco employees noticed the importance of community and the quality of HIA’s recovery program. At the same time, HIA staff began hosting outreach lunches at Jasco to help support those on their staff who might be struggling with addiction or know someone who is.

“We saw the fruit of this ministry immediately,” Jeff recalled. “We partner with ministries that we know are transforming people’s lives, and there’s no question that’s happening at HIA.”

Beyond Jasco’s irrationally generous donations, they have deliberately used their products to help the lives of HIA residents in recovery, all the way down to the exteriors of HIA houses.

Jasco recently launched a new permanent outdoor lighting product for the under-eaves of houses. Cato proposed the idea to donate and install these lights on HIA homes in Oklahoma City. It might seem like exterior lighting doesn’t have much to do with recovery, but it’s the small details that make a big impact on the journey to sobriety.

“It’s that old adage,” Jeff explained.“You want your house to be a home. This is just one more way we can make HIA homes even nicer. That’s how we make a difference.”

Ari, blown away by the intentionality from Jasco, said, “We put a lot of effort into creating a safe and secure setting for people to heal — anything to help ensure those homes are welcoming and warm.”

When purpose is prioritized over profit, incredible things happen. This collaboration is a powerful reminder that the result is brighter lives, inside and out.

“If you want to partner with an organization that’s a good steward, that’s radically changing lives, restoring families, and truly making a difference, then you don’t have to look any further than Hope is Alive,” Jeff said. “No question.”

Find out how your company can partner with HIA by contacting us today!

Understanding Codependency

Understanding Codependency

What is Codependency?

Codependency is a response to addiction — but even more than that, it’s a response to trauma. It often shows up in relationships with loved ones struggling with substance use or other problems.

Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More, defines it this way: “Someone who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.”

What You Should Know About Codependency:

Codependency feels shameful
It’s an unhealthy focus on other people’s problems, feelings, and needs
Codependents are often sensitive to criticism and tend to wall off their own feelings
They rarely ask for what they need — and often give even when it hurts
The good news? You can change your codependent patterns

Common Characteristics of Codependency:

You get into relationships with addicts or people who have major issues
You excessively help others at your own expense
You neglect your own needs
You struggle to ask for help
You feel responsible for others' choices
You often hide anger or disappointment to avoid conflict
You give advice freely, but don’t say what you really mean
You focus on perfection, not progress

Five Core Symptoms of Codependency:

1. Difficulty with Self-Esteem
You may think you’re worthless — or, swing the other way and believe you're better than others. Either extreme is unhealthy.

2. Difficulty Setting Functional Boundaries
Your boundaries may be unclear, nonexistent, or rigid and walled off.

3. Difficulty Owning Your Own Reality
You may not know who you are — what you think, how you feel, or what you want.

4. Difficulty Meeting Your Own Needs
You may:

Wait for others to take care of you.
Avoid asking for help.
Be unaware of your own needs.
Confuse wants with needs.

5. Difficulty with Moderation

Codependents often swing from one extreme to another — too involved or totally detached, overly happy or deeply miserable. To them, "just enough" never feels like enough.

Next week, we’ll explore practical ways to break free from the cycle of codependency. It may feel uncomfortable at times, but the freedom that follows is worth it. This week, take time to reflect and journal about where you're currently struggling with codependency and what might be holding you back from letting it go.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 (ESV)

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For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

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Support for Loved Ones of Addicts and Alcoholics

Support for Loved Ones of Addicts and Alcoholics

“Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported.”‍

Read that again.

There’s so much truth in that one sentence.

As members of Finding Hope, others in the group need us to simply be there. We’re not here to fix each other’s situations — but to remind one another that we’re not alone. That we are cared for. That we are supported.

But don’t forget — you need support too.

You were never meant to carry everything on your own.

Consider these questions:

Who makes you laugh?
Who encourages you?
Who prays with you?
Who supports you?
Who listens to you?
Who helps you?

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You’ll have days when you feel completely down — and that’s okay.

Galatians 6:2 reminds us, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

So, what does that really mean?

“Paul is giving instructions to the Galatian Christians about how to live with each other as Spirit-powered people in Christ.

We carry other burdens, and sometimes we go through seasons where those burdens are too much for us to haul around. God's Spirit certainly gives us the power to deal with these issues, but another way God intends to provide for those in Christ is by giving us the ability to help each other.

One way we can fail in this area is by refusing to allow anyone to see the burdens we are carrying. We can mistakenly think that being a Christian means we should be self-reliant in every way, all the time. In a few verses, Paul will write that we do need to carry the weight of our responsibilities in Christ. But Christians are also meant to help each other with the loads we carry when they become overwhelming.

How does helping to carry each other's loads fulfill the law of Christ? Paul earlier quoted Jesus in saying that the entire law is fulfilled in one word: love (Galatians 5:14). “Love is the law of Christ.” (source: Bibref.com)

So today, if you need someone to listen, to pray, to laugh with you, or just sit beside you, reach out.

And if someone comes to mind who might need that same support, don’t ignore it. Reach out to them today.

Remember: You are not alone.

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For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

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