Articles & Resources

Navigating Change During Addiction Recovery

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Have you heard that sentence before? Have you stopped to think about what it means?

If you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting the same results you're currently getting.

It seems simple. But if it’s simple, why is it so hard? It’s hard because change can be scary.

If you want to lose weight, you can’t keep eating the same things you have been eating, and you can’t keep sitting on your couch. You have to make daily changes in what you are doing to see results. It isn’t easy at first, but the end result is worth it. Does it happen overnight? No. But can you see change over time? Yes.

The same thing applies to our loved ones. If something doesn’t change, you are going to be stuck in the same cycle, completely miserable. Just like losing weight isn’t easy, addiction recovery isn’t easy either. 

That’s where Finding Hope comes in. Finding Hope is a support group for loved ones of addicts and alcoholics. It’s a community that will be there with you each step of the way. They will be there to encourage you, support you, listen to you, and pray with you.

So, what do you need to change? What have you been telling yourself? Think about what could happen if you actually listen to yourself and make a change.

Today is the day to begin changing things. Maybe it’s setting a firm boundary. Maybe it's no longer fixing the problems that aren’t yours to fix. Maybe you stop the enabling behavior you keep telling yourself you are going to stop. Or, maybe you are going to start saying “yes” to yourself and “no” to others. Whatever it is, do it.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

How People Hurt People

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Hurt people hurt people.” It’s one of those phrases that sounds simple, but the more you think about it, the more complex it becomes.

When we’re carrying pain, it often spills out onto others. Maybe we’re short with someone who didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe we try to get even with the addict we love. Or maybe we just shut down completely and push people away. Sometimes we don’t even realize it — we’re just reacting from a place that’s already hurting.

And the same thing happens the other way around. People who are hurting will sometimes hurt us. Our loved ones turn to addiction because of a hurt they don’t know how to heal, in turn hurting everyone around them. It’s not that they want to hurt us — it’s that they don’t always realize they are. 

Pain has a way of multiplying if we don’t deal with it in a healthy way. Something someone said, a betrayal, a deep loss — whatever it is — if we don’t process it, it can show up later in ways we don’t expect. We start snapping at people. We grow distant. We hold grudges. We assume the worst. Before we know it, we’re not only hurting from something, but also hurting others because of it.

That’s the cycle. And the only way to stop it is to recognize what’s really going on inside of us.

We can’t control other people, but we can control how we respond to them. We can set healthy boundaries, step back from chaos, show ourselves love, stop reacting impulsively, and seek forgiveness when we realize we’ve caused pain. These choices lead us toward healing, peace, joy, and ultimately — hope.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31–32

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

How Addiction Impacts Trust

When we love someone with a substance use disorder, we quickly lose all trust. I say it all the time, you lose trust in bucketfuls and gain it back in teaspoons. But today I want to ask you, where do you put your trust?

We should not put our trust in earthly things, but rather put our trust in God. But how many times have we tried to do God's job for Him? How many times have we gotten in His way for His perfect plan?

I remember standing in my friend’s kitchen crying when my husband was at the peak of his addiction, but I also remember telling her that I knew God had a plan and I believed someday I would get to help another wife going through this same storm. What I didn’t know was that I would quit my dream job as a kindergarten teacher and work for a non-profit organization where I get to give HOPE to so many families. God does have a plan, and we must trust His plan.

One Finding Hope member said, “I pray for God to close the right doors and open the right doors for my son.” That statement made me think. If we start closing doors for our loved ones on our own, are they the right doors that God has planned to be shut? If we start opening doors for our loved ones, are they the right doors that God has planned to be open?

Each day, each hour, each minute, each second, place your loved one back in God’s hands and trust in God’s perfect plan. We must let go and let God.

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Psalm 35:7

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

Discovering Addiction

I’ll never forget when I discovered my husband was addicted to alcohol.

I still remember all the feelings I had when I found my husband standing in our garage with a bottle of vodka in his hand. Is he an alcoholic? What does that mean? What now? Is this what our life is going to be like? How can this be? What did I do? Will I ever be happy again? Why is he doing this to our family? Why? How? I don’t understand.

Some of us have been on this journey for many years, while others are just beginning. In a decade, here is what I learned:

• Addiction doesn't discriminate. Addiction doesn’t care about anyone’s family history or upbringing; it doesn’t care about anyone’s economic status or genetic makeup. It will go after anyone AND everyone. Satan has come to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants our families to be broken. He wants addiction to destroy families.
• I am not alone. Of the millions upon millions of people addicted to drugs or alcohol, there is a mom, dad, sister, brother, wife, husband, son, daughter, grandparent, praying and pleading that addiction ends. We need each other, and we need our Finding Hope family and community. You are not alone.
• Recovery is a lifelong journey. Just because our loved ones find sobriety, our own recovery journey will never end. The tools we learn at Finding Hope are for life. It is very easy to relapse into our old behaviors (codependency, enabling, boundaries, lack of self-care, etc.) when we don’t actively pursue our own recovery. There will be bumps and detours on this journey, but the stronger our recovery is, the easier those detours will be.
• God will use our storms. God has a plan and purpose for each of us. He has a plan and purpose for our loved ones. He will use this storm for His glory and purpose. We must trust Him through it all and allow Him to be our compass through the storm. Give it to God and allow Him to do only what He can do.
• There is HOPE. We have to remember to place our hope in Jesus. He is our ultimate comforter and healer. He can give us strength when we feel like we have nothing left to give. His love for us and our loved ones is firm, secure, and unfailing. Through Finding Hope, I have witnessed HOPE return to moms, dads, grandmothers, grandfathers, wives, husbands, sisters, and brothers. They have placed their hope in Jesus, found peace and serenity, and are living happy lives. We must keep our hope anchored in Him.

If you are not filled with hope, joy, and peace, my prayer is that you would get there soon. Stay connected to your Finding Hope family, continue down your own road of recovery, ask God to use your storm, and place your HOPE in Him today.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

Automatic Negative Thinking

Did you know that we can rewire our brains and thinking patterns? Think of the analogy of an ANT at a picnic. One ANT is annoying, but a group of ANTs can ruin a picnic. Did you know that you become an ANT with Automatic Negative Thinking?

When we love someone addicted to drugs or alcohol, it is easy to become an ANT. Our thought patterns continually become negative, which brings us down and others around us down as well. We become depressed, fearful, angry, lonely, and sick. The negative thought pattern keeps the adrenal chemicals looping and diminishes the ability to problem solve. It becomes unhealthy. We become unhealthy.

So, how do we stop being ANTs?

It takes consistently and intentionally redirecting our thoughts. But we can do it.

• Start each day by expressing gratitude. Write it, speak it, share it.
• Intentionally activate smile muscles. Whether or not you “feel happy,” you need to make a conscious decision to engage in things that make you laugh (i.e., watch laughing baby videos, laughing yoga, etc.). Smiling and laughing redirect the synapses and produce calming chemicals in your brain, offsetting the stress loop chemicals.
• Do DEEP breathing exercises. Any exercise/deep breathing done regularly releases endorphins that activate the vagus nerve, which is connected to every major system.
• Reaffirm out loud who you are from God’s perspective. “I am a child of God. I am loved by God. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I am amazing.” Even if you do not believe it, speak it every day.

With our ANT (automatic negative thinking) behavior, our brain feels and responds to things in a negative way. So, we must rewire our brains to automatic POSITIVE thinking (APT). With positive thinking, we can begin to find peace, joy, happiness, hope, and life again, no matter what our loved one is or is not doing.

You have a choice each day. Are you going to be an ANT or an APT?

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:14

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

Admitting You Love an Addict

You may see the signs that your loved one is addicted to drugs or alcohol, but have you been able to admit it? If you can’t admit that your loved one is an addict, then you are directly prohibiting your addicted loved one from admitting they need help.

Oftentimes, shame and guilt keep us from admitting that our family isn’t perfect. We worry that others will look down on us and about the potential judgments that might come with it. But, if those people want to judge us, then we are wasting our time and breath on that relationship.

What happens when we admit we have a problem? We experience freedom, healing, and HOPE. You no longer have to hide the secret. Instead, you can live in truth and honesty. You are able to breathe again. And the funny thing is, once you admit your family has a problem, others will come along and say, “Me too!”

You’re only as sick as your secrets. Who wants to be sick and weighed down by life? Not me. As we admit our problem, freedom and healing come with it. You will soon learn you are not alone and will never have to face this storm alone again. Through transparency and openness, you will find hope and healing. Admission of your problem also provides a great opportunity to learn from those who have been through it in a community of people who get it.

Are you ready to heal? Are you ready to surrender? Are you ready to admit your family has a problem?

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Timothy 6:12

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

Removing the Mask: Finding Freedom in Christ

If you feel the pressure to appear perfect or to hide your true self, Removing the Mask: Finding Freedom in Christ is for you. If you are an addict or love someone with a substance use disorder, know that there is hope. Through God’s word, you’ll discover how to recognize the masks you wear and what it means to let God into the places you’ve tried to keep hidden. Freedom is possible.

Start the plan here: Removing the Mask: Finding Freedom in Christ

Hope in Motion: 2025 Run for Hope Recap and Highlights

Run For Hope 2025, hosted by Finding Hope and Hope After Loss, didn’t just break attendance records (1,482 people!) — it was another big step in a mission that’s doing real work for people affected by addiction and grief. Families, friends, and supporters showed up in Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Weatherford, and even virtually from neighborhoods, parks, and gyms across the country to honor and remember those who have lost their lives to addiction.

An Astounding Turnout

In Oklahoma City, 730 runners filled Stars and Stripes Park, Tulsa welcomed 372 participants to the Riverwalk, and in Weatherford, 185 runners gathered at First Baptist Church. And we can’t forget the 195 virtual participants who made the event their own — meeting in neighborhoods, parks, and local gyms to honor their loved ones.

Together, across all markets, we honored 135 loved ones.

The Fight Against Addiction is Alive

Beyond the numbers, what stood out most was the sense of community. Whether crossing a finish line, cheering from the sidelines, or sharing a story, every participant reminded us why Run For Hope matters: to honor the past, stand together in the present, and run with hope for the future.

There’s something powerful that happens when people gather with a shared purpose. Families who had never met before hugged like old friends because they instantly understood each other’s pain. And as strangers swapped stories and wiped tears away, we all became family. 

If you or someone you love is battling or has battled addiction, know that you are not alone. Reach out to Hope is Alive today. We have support groups for you, regardless of your situation, and we want to walk alongside you on your journey to recovery.

Self-Control

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22–26

Loving someone who abuses substances while embodying the "fruit of the Spirit" of self-control can be a challenging journey. When loving an addict, self-control is essential for your own mental, spiritual, and physical health. By following the fruit of the Spirit of self-control, you can begin to get your life back. Here are some ways you can show self-control:

• Setting Boundaries: Self-control helps you establish and maintain healthy boundaries. You need to know when to say "no" to enabling behaviors that may inadvertently support the addict's destructive habits. This might involve resisting the temptation to give them money, lie for them, or cover up their actions.
• Avoiding Codependency: It's easy to become emotionally entangled with an addict, leading to codependency. Self-control enables you to maintain your independence, self-worth, and identity outside of the addict's struggles.
• Support Without Enabling: Loving an addict means offering support without enabling their addiction. Self-control allows you to discern when to provide help when it's appropriate and withhold it when it might perpetuate their destructive behavior.
• Detaching with Love: Detachment doesn’t mean you do not love the addict; rather, you love them and yourself enough to detach from the chaos of their addiction.  

Remember that loving someone who abuses substances is incredibly challenging, and it's essential to seek support for yourself. This could come in the form of attending Finding Hope, seeing a counselor, or talking to other Finding Hope members. Ultimately, combining self-control with love, empathy, and a commitment to the well-being of both yourself and the addict can help create a healthier environment for everyone involved.

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

Peace and Patience

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22–26

Peace

Peace is about maintaining a sense of calmness and serenity in the midst of difficult situations. When you love someone addicted to drugs or alcohol, it can be hard to find that peace and serenity. So how do you get there? Here are three ways:

• 1. Prayer and Meditation: The Serenity Prayer is a great place to begin, “God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change.”
  
  • What are those things you cannot change? What is outside your control that you need God to give you peace about?
• 2. Boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries to protect your own well-being can give you a sense of peace.
  
  • Do you need to say, “No”? Do you need to put your phone on “do not disturb”? Do you need to stop trying to fix all the problems?
• 3. Self-Care: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually can give you the peace you have not yet experienced.
  
  • Are you getting enough rest? Are you eating healthy? Are you finding 5-10 minutes each day just for you? Are you connected to a Finding Hope meeting?

We have no control over the outcome of the difficult situations in our lives; we can only work to maintain our peace through these times. When we learn to fully trust that God is in control, we can rest in His perfect peace.

Patience

We live in a fast-paced world, and being patient is difficult. We get used to the go, go, go, and always want a quick answer and fix, especially when we love someone in addiction. But, Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.”

We must be still and trust God. Trust that He sees the big picture. Trust that He is able to do what only He can do. Trust that He loves your loved one more than you do. Trust in His timing.

Sometimes, we may not feel like God is doing anything, so we quickly begin to do His job for him. But we must be patient and believe His timing is best. Remember: God is working on you as well as your loved one, so take time to be still and patient. ​

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

Love and Joy

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22–26

Love

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “love the person, not the sin.” The same is true with our loved ones: love them, but not their addiction. Can you still show love to your loved one without enabling, setting boundaries, and detaching? Yes. It may not feel like love when you tell them “no,” don’t give them money, or kick them out for using, and they may even say as much and tell you you don’t love them anymore, but by doing this, you are showing them love. You love them so much that you’re getting out of their way and giving them the opportunity to seek help. I always tell people that you show true love by not enabling, setting a firm boundary, and detaching from the chaos.

Remember the prodigal son and his father? Did his father ever stop loving him? No. Did his son know who to run home to when he was ready for change and help? Yes. The father knew his love for his son wasn’t going to save him — the love from our Father would — and the dad needed to love his son enough to let him go.

Joy

We want it so badly, but we can’t seem to find it.

WHY?

I believe the answer is that we allow our trials in life to take hold of us and become our guide spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. We are so focused on “fixing” the trials that we allow those very trials to direct our everyday life instead of trusting God to be our compass through those times.

James chapter 1 talks about how we will be met with various trials in life. We don’t get to pick our trials. We only get to decide how we will respond to our trials. We must put our trust in God. God is on the side of those who trust Him through life's most difficult moments, including your loved one’s addiction. Give it to God and trust Him to do what only He can do. Our faith only grows stronger when tested by trials.

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

Kindness and Goodness

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22–26

Kindness

Kindness is defined as “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.”

Matthew 5:44 says, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Kindness begins by loving and praying for others, but it can be hard to show kindness when others are not kind to you. When our loved ones are in active addiction, they don’t always treat us kindly, which makes it more difficult to show them kindness. So, how do we do that when we might feel resentful, angry, and frustrated? You can:

• Avoid judgmental attitudes or blaming. Instead, offer a non-judgmental and safe space where they can share their thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism.
• Offer encouragement and reassurance. Let them know you love them and are praying for them.
• Show yourself kindness by investing in your own recovery and yourself.

“Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy loving kindnesses; for they have been ever of old.” Psalm 25:6

Goodness

When we act out of the true goodness of the heart and reflect the fruit of the Spirit, we are obedient to God’s commandments. Goodness can often be seen in our actions, but our heart also has to be pure. The goodness of Christ is to be demonstrated in our lives every day. Psalm 23:6 says, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

When we love someone in addiction, we must be careful that these actions do not enable our loved one but rather help them. We also need to make sure our motives and hearts are in the right place and our goodness isn’t for an ulterior motive (if I do this, then they will…). Here are a few ways we can show the fruit of the Spirit of goodness with our loved ones:

• It's essential to set boundaries that protect your own well-being, as well as to protect the well-being of your loved ones. Boundaries can help maintain a sense of goodness and integrity.
• It’s beneficial to seek your own recovery, even if your loved one is sober.
• Remember to stop, pause, and pray before you respond.
• Know the difference between helping and enabling. Helping is doing for others what they truly cannot do for themselves; enabling is doing things for others that they should be able to do for themselves.

For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today