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Steady Words for Unsteady Days
Finding Hope Family Support Groups
Written By
Finding Hope Team
Steady Words for Unsteady Days
At Finding Hope, you’ll often hear our leaders and members share key phrases that have been pivotal in their individual recovery journeys. These phrases are reminders of truth, strength, and surrender.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
For a long time, I believed that if I just prayed harder or loved him more, things would get better. But the truth is, change requires action, not just from him, but from me too.
It wasn’t until I began to set boundaries, step out of the chaos, and seek community that real healing began in me.
If love were enough to change the addict’s behavior, then no one would be an addict.
They have to want recovery more than you want it for them.
I stayed for years, thinking my love would be the catalyst for change. But love doesn’t fix addiction. Surrender and action fix addiction.
When I finally stopped trying to save him and started focusing on my own healing, everything changed. Because I changed.
Pause and pray before responding.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t always respond with grace. In the chaos, emotions often led the way. But learning to pause and pray before reacting has changed everything.
Now, instead of reacting in fear or frustration, I respond with clarity, calm, and wisdom. That pause creates space for peace.
The addict and the person are two different people.
There were times I didn’t even recognize my husband — the lies, the manipulation, the broken promises. But I had to learn to separate the man from the disease.
Doing so helped me extend grace even while holding firm boundaries. It allowed me to grieve who he was without losing who I was.
Satan attacks where we are weakest.
When my husband relapsed, it knocked the wind out of me. I felt blindsided and overwhelmed. But the truth is, the enemy had been working behind the scenes long before that moment, whispering lies, creating disconnection, and isolating us from each other and from the truth.
One of my deepest weaknesses was people-pleasing. I didn’t want to stir conflict. I wanted to believe everything would just work itself out. That tendency became fertile ground for the enemy to breed fear, doubt, and denial. It wasn’t until I dove into Scripture, community, and counseling that I learned to stand firm, even in weakness.
Keeping them comfortable in addiction is helping them to stay active in their addiction longer.
This one hurt. For years, I thought I was loving well — protecting him, covering for him, easing his consequences. But all I was doing was prolonging the inevitable.
There came a point when I had to draw the hard line: no alcohol in our home. And when he relapsed again, I had to follow through on that boundary. That decision led to our separation, and while it was heartbreaking, it also brought peace — not just for me, but for our kids.
Enabling felt like love in the moment, but true love sometimes means stepping out of the way so God can do the work.
Let go and let God.
“Let God work.”
“But for God…”
There was a moment when I completely broke. I remember crying out to God with nothing left to offer, whispering, “I can’t carry this anymore. It’s Yours.”
That night wasn’t the end of the pain, but it was the beginning of peace. I stopped clinging. I stopped trying to manage it all. I stepped back, and God stepped in. Looking back, I know now that if it weren’t for God — His grace, His guidance, His comfort — I wouldn’t be here today, walking in freedom and hope.
Final Thoughts
You may not have chosen this road, but you’re not walking it alone. These phrases aren’t magic, but they are reminders for when the ground beneath you feels like it’s crumbling.
Maybe you’re still in the thick of it, trying to decide what boundary to set or wondering if surrender will ever lead to peace. I want to remind you today: God sees you. He knows your pain. He’s not asking you to carry the weight alone.
So what do you need to release? What weakness do you need to bring into the light? What phrase do you need to cling to this week?
The road may be rocky, but God walks with you through every moment, every tear, and every breakthrough. And you — you are stronger than you think, because His strength is made perfect in your weakness.
With hope,
Darcie Stephens, Finding Hope Coordinator
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