Finding the Courage to Trust Again

Finding the Courage to Trust Again

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

What is Trust?

Trust is the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. It’s the deep confidence that you can feel emotionally and physically safe in a  relationship. Trust allows you to be vulnerable, to show up as your whole self without fear of betrayal or judgment. When there is trust in a relationship, both people can be authentically themselves.

At Finding Hope, we often say: “We lose trust in bucketfuls, but we gain it back in teaspoons.”

If you’ve loved someone trapped by substance use, you probably know exactly what this means. When my ex-husband relapsed, I didn’t just lose trust — I lost my sense of safety, hope, and clarity. Every late night, every forgotten promise, and every lie chipped away at my bucket of trust. 

How Our Loved Ones Lose Our Trust

Let’s be honest: watching someone you love spiral is traumatic. Their actions, fueled by substance use, slowly (or sometimes quickly) dismantle the trust you once had. When he would show up late, or I would catch him in a lie about where he was — again — I felt crazy. But I wasn’t. I was a woman caught in the chaos of someone else’s addiction. You may have experienced similar moments where your loved one:

• Showed up late
• Broke promises
• Hid receipts or substances
• Lied about their whereabouts
• Disrespected your boundaries
• Continually relapsed

When We Don’t Trust, We Try to Control

When trust is gone, we often go into survival mode. I tried to fix it all. I micromanaged his schedule, monitored his behavior, and made excuses. But my attempts to control his addiction weren’t helping him or healing me.

Trying to control someone leads to chaos. It fuels anxiety, frustration, and resentment. The truth is, we have no control over others.

• Our attempts to be in control only steal our peace.
• Our true trust belongs with the Lord.

Scripture Reminds Us:

 “Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.” Isaiah 26:4

 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

Surrender is where lasting peace and healing truly begin.

I’ve learned that surrender isn’t giving up — it’s giving over. After my ex-husband's most recent relapse, I had to surrender my desire to “make him get better.” I had to hand him over to the only One who truly can.

What to Surrender:

• Your will
• Your relationship with your loved one
• Your expectations
• Your doubt and worry
• Your fear and heartbreak

The old me would have scrambled, begged, and manipulated in order to get him to stop. But this time, I sat in my room and whispered through tears: “Lord, I surrender him to You.” And though nothing in my circumstances changed immediately, my heart did. Peace flooded the very place where fear used to live.

Trusting Yourself Again

Do you trust yourself? When trust has been broken, it’s not just your loved one you stop trusting — it’s often yourself too. You begin to doubt your decisions, your instincts, and even your own worth.

Addiction often brings gaslighting, which is when your loved one twists reality so much that you begin to question yourself. Maybe they’ve told you you’re “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or even “crazy.” I’ve been there, and I know how deeply it shakes your confidence.

But here’s the truth: you are not crazy. You are not imagining things. And you can learn to trust yourself again.

How? By speaking truth over yourself when the lies feel loud. By calling a trusted friend before you spiral. By seeking counseling. And most of all, by reminding yourself that your worth and your clarity come from God, not from the approval of a broken person.

Rebuilding Trust with Your Loved One

Forgiveness and trust are not the same. You can forgive someone, but rebuilding trust takes time.

Lysa TerKeurst says it best: “Trust is built with time plus believable behavior.”

What does that mean to you?

To rebuild trust, I had to pay attention to actions, not just apologies. I had to see consistency, honesty, and humility. Communication helped too — honest, grace-filled conversations using “I feel” statements:

• “I feel anxious when you don’t answer the phone.”
• “I feel triggered when you come home late.”

Rebuilding Trust with Yourself

Perhaps the hardest person to trust again… is yourself. I’ve had to fight through guilt, shame, and regret. I questioned every decision I made during those 24 years of marriage. But little by little, I’ve started to believe in my own strength again.

Tips to Rebuild Self-Trust:

• Say the truth out loud — even when gaslighting tries to convince you otherwise
• Call a friend or mentor for perspective
• Journal your wins, even small ones
• Pursue counseling or support groups
• Practice grace: healing isn’t linear

Final Thoughts

Healing is holy work.

I know what it’s like to cry yourself to sleep, wondering if it’s ever going to get better. I know what it’s like to question God in the middle of a heartbreak you didn’t choose. But I also know the beauty of surrender, the power of community, and the grace of a God who never breaks His promises.

You are not alone. And you can learn to trust again, in God, your loved one (if they earn it), and most of all… yourself.

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With hope, 

Darcie Stephens, Finding Hope Coordinator

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For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today

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