Are You Responding or Reacting to Your Loved One’s Addiction?

Are You Responding or Reacting to Your Loved One’s Addiction?

Life can be unpredictable when you love someone who struggles with substance use.

You don’t know what to do — or what not to do.
You don’t know what to believe — or what not to believe.
You don’t know what to say — or what not to say.

It’s all hard. Hard when your loved one is actively using, and still hard when they’re sober. Deep down, you may live with the constant fear that doing the wrong thing could lead to relapse, jail, or even death.

At Finding Hope, we often talk about the difference between reacting and responding.

Reacting is quick and impulsive. It often comes from survival mode, with the unconscious mind running the show. At that moment, we may rely on old defense mechanisms or go on autopilot. It might feel like a solution, but in the long run, reacting rarely helps anyone — not your loved one, and not you.

Too often, we are slow to listen and quick to solve the problem — quick to yell, quick to shame, quick to defend. But what might happen if we were quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry? We sometimes forget that we can influence those around us, both negatively and positively.

Just last week, I woke up to a message on my phone that truly angered me. I wanted to yell back and defend myself. But I knew if I did, the conversation would go nowhere. So I practiced responding instead of reacting. I took a deep breath, prayed, and opened God’s Word.

Responding, on the other hand, is intentional. It means slowing down, weighing the situation carefully, and considering both the short-term and long-term impact. Responding helps you stay aligned with your values and maintain peace within yourself.

Sometimes, the healthiest response… is to do nothing at all.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel triggered or overwhelmed, try these three simple steps before reacting:

1. Stop, take a deep breath, and pray.
2. Call a trusted Finding Hope leader or group member.
3. Make sure you’re in a clear and healthy headspace before you respond — if you need to respond at all.

This week, take time to reflect. Write down situations where you reacted or felt unsure of how to respond. Pray through those moments. What might a healthier response look like next time?

Some examples might include:

• Your loved one frequently shows up late — or not at all — to family dinners.
• They relapse in their sober living home and ask to come back home.
• Other family members continue to enable, even though you’ve stopped.
• Your loved one drives away from your house under the influence.
• They call from jail, asking for bail and promising (for the third time) to get help if you do.

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“Stop fighting, and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.” Psalm 46:10 (CSB)

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For more information, visit:

FindingHope.Today

HopeAfterLoss.Today