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Your Loved One's Sober, Now What?
Finding Hope Family Support Groups
Written By
Finding Hope Team
Your Loved One's Sober, Now What?
You have prayed. You have cried. You have hoped for this moment. Maybe your loved one is finally sober, or maybe you are still waiting and believing for that day to come. Either way, it is important to understand what sobriety really means and what you can expect moving forward.
Early on, I believed treatment would “fix” my husband. But I quickly learned that his addiction is a brain disease that he would have to fight every single day, and that treatment wasn’t a “fix it solution”, but a journey and road to recovery for both of us.
Once your loved one seeks recovery, it is important to have those tough conversations. Some questions to ask are:
- “How can I support you?"
- “How can I check in with you?"
- “What does your recovery plan look like?"
- “If I feel like you are slipping, how can I approach you about it."
Having these tough conversations, and being willing to listen and not give advice, can help both of you rebuild trust and have a plan for when you might be triggered or suspect a relapse.
Triggers will happen, and communicating those as well as your boundaries is important for your own recovery. If I feel_____(scared, unsafe, anxious, etc), then I will_____ (leave, lock the door by 9:00, turn my phone on do not disturb). Example: It makes me nervous when I see your truck in our drive before the end of the work day. Can you let me know if you will be home early from work?
Overall, it is very important to stay connected to our Finding Hope community rather than wonder whether your loved one is sober or not. This community needs you and you need them. We all understand the ups and downs of loving someone in recovery.
Here is what other Finding Hope members have learned after their loved one found sobriety:
“This is another process that takes time. They are dealing with a lot and things won’t be easy or quick. We don’t have to feel bad for not trusting them yet, just because they got sober. To encourage, but not micromanage. To love, but not be blind. To not walk on eggshells when we see something going against our knowledge base, just out of fear of us triggering their relapse.”
“Just be happy. Yes, sobriety could be for only a time, but don’t ruin it with ‘what ifs.’ If they sense your anxiety about the bottom falling out, you are not showing your faith in them and their ability to remain sober or with what God’s power can do.”
“I needed to heal from the addiction just as much as my alcoholic needed to get sober. It affects more than just the alcoholic, and while he was working on him, I waited until he was sober to begin to work on myself. I wished I had begun the work long before, while he was still in active addiction.“
Remember: You cannot make them sober, and you cannot keep them sober. Continue surrendering them to God daily. Celebrate today. Hope is choosing to trust God with tomorrow.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27 ESV
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