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Will Treatment Fix My Loved One?
Finding Hope Family Support Groups
Written By
Finding Hope Team
Will Treatment Fix My Loved One?
I will never forget the day I dropped my husband off at treatment, and the young man working asked me, “How many times has your husband been to treatment?” I probably looked like a deer in headlights... “How many times?” I had the mindset that treatment would fix him once and for all. After all, that’s what drug and alcohol addiction treatment is for, right?
Maybe you have felt that same way when your loved one started counseling, went to rehab, or moved into a sober living home. But as I have learned over the years, this will be a lifelong journey — not only for my husband but also for me.
Some of you may not like to read those words, just like I didn’t like to be asked, “How many times has your husband been to treatment?” But hear my heart: I truly thought that treatment would fix my husband, and that we would get back to the way our lives were before addiction took over. But the reality is, addiction will always be a part of our family, and life always will and does look different.
When I came to that realization, I gave myself permission to grieve. In my case, I needed to grieve what I thought our family would look like and what we would be doing. You may need to grieve something entirely differently, but hear this: You are in a position where grief is normal and expected.
Have you given yourself permission to grieve? You might not be at the place of acceptance, and that is okay, but I want to ask you a simple question: Do you want your loved one’s recovery more than they do? Are you doing everything possible to encourage them to seek treatment? How much of your time, energy, and money has been spent on pushing treatment on them? How much has been spent on yourself and your own well-being? What if you used all that energy for your own recovery and support? Could you find yourself again?
My husband has only gone to treatment one time, and yes, he had one relapse, but I truly believe he went to treatment for HIM and not me, our kids, his mom, his dad, or anyone else. He went because he was ready to do it for himself.
Next time you feel the urge to push your loved one toward treatment, focus that energy on your own recovery and allow yourself to grieve.
“My eye grows dim through sorrow. Every day I call upon you, O LORD; I spread out my hands to you.” Psalm 88:9 ESV
With hope,
Amy LaRue, Director of Family Support Groups
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