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Thriving the Holidays: Setting Boundaries
Finding Hope Family Support Groups
Written By
Finding Hope Team
Thriving the Holidays: Setting Boundaries
Even on special days like Thanksgiving or Christmas, we must continue to have firm and intact boundaries with our loved ones. Do not loosen them for even just one day.
Boundaries are to protect yourself, to bring peace back to your life, and to allow your needs to become a priority for your life. Just like how you communicate your expectations, remember to also communicate your boundaries with others prior to the holidays. There is no need to defend, debate, or explain your feelings. If you are faced with resistance, simply repeat your boundary.
If we want our boundaries respected, we must also remember to respect the boundaries of others. Our loved ones in addiction recovery may have boundaries to protect their sobriety, and it is not our job to question their boundaries. Other family members may have boundaries about not wanting to be around their loved one who is addicted to drugs or alcohol (whether sober or not). Once again, we should honor their boundaries and not debate it with them.
This year, the holidays may look and feel different. And that’s okay! Accepting this can help us let go of certain traditions and view it as an opportunity to begin new ones. What is one new tradition you can begin this year?
This week, think about what boundaries you have in place for the holidays. What happens if those boundaries are crossed? Have you communicated your boundaries and the consequences of crossing them?
Here are a few tips from those in recovery for families to know as they approach the holidays being clean and sober (whether a few months, a year, or more):
- Communicate with your loved one. Ask them about their boundaries and possible triggers. “What are ways I can help you make sure you feel safe and confident in your recovery?”
- Respect their boundaries, even if you don’t understand them. They have them for a reason. Don’t argue with or question them about it.
“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
With hope,
Amy LaRue, Director of Family Support Groups
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