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Surviving a Relapse
Finding Hope Family Support Groups
Written By
Finding Hope Team
Surviving a Relapse
When we love someone who struggles with substance use disorder, we often live in fear of relapse. We wonder if we will make it through if it happens, because statistics from the National Institute on Drug Abuse indicate that anywhere from 40 to 60 percent of people with addiction will experience a relapse. Relapse often feels like a “when, not if” situation.
If You Suspect a Relapse
If your loved one has relapsed or you suspect they have, know that you will make it through. The initial emotions — panic, disappointment, fear — are normal. And there are healthy ways to respond once you move beyond them.
Five Steps to Help You Through Their Relapse
Step One: Don’t Shame or Blame
Your loved one likely already feels guilt and shame. Approach them with love and understanding, and choose a time when both of you are calm.
Ways to approach them:
- “I noticed [behavior], which leads me to believe [concern]. Is that true?”
- Use “I feel” statements:
- “I feel anxious when….”
- “I feel scared when….”
- “I feel nervous when….”
Step Two: Set Boundaries
Boundaries protect you, not punish them. Examples:
- They aren’t allowed in the house if actively using/drinking.
- You won’t bail them out of jail.
- You won’t give them money.
What boundaries do you have in place if a relapse happens?
Step Three: Feel to Heal
Don’t suppress your emotions — acknowledge them.
- Reach out to your Hope Giver.
- Journal.
- Pray.
- Put it in your God box.
- Talk to a counselor.
Step Four: Encourage, But Don’t Rescue
Encourage them to get help, but let them take ownership of their recovery plan. If we go into "fix-it mode," we risk our own emotional relapse.
Step Five: Prioritize Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is essential. You cannot want their recovery more than they do. Here are some ways to care for yourself:
- Go for a walk.
- See a counselor.
- Attend a Finding Hope meeting.
Relapse is Not the End
Relapse does not mean failure! Addiction is a chronic disease requiring daily treatment, so use relapse as an opportunity to learn and grow.
You are not alone. Keep choosing hope.
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16
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