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Shame Fueled by Addiction
Finding Hope Family Support Groups
Written By
Finding Hope Team
Shame Fueled by Addiction
“Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.” —Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency
It’s easy to feel shame when you love someone who struggles with substance use. This shame you may be experiencing or have experienced is real. Until you recognize it for what it is, you can’t begin to heal.
More often than not, shame keeps us weighed down, feeling like we’re stuffed in a box. This leads us to feeling trapped, like there is no way out. The enemy wants us to feel stuck there. He wants us to feel weighed down. He wants us trapped. He wants us to feel alone. He wants us to believe no one else is going through it. He wants us to believe it’s our fault. He wants to keep you where he has you, with little to no hope.
He doesn’t want you to share your story. He doesn’t want you to connect with others. He doesn’t want you to lean on God.
I remember the shame I felt when I discovered my husband was an alcoholic. What will people think? Will people think I am the reason he drinks? He's a Christian and a good guy — will others judge him? If I stay, will people judge me?
I also recall the shame I felt as I lied when he went to rehab. He is just in Texas for a little bit.
I even carried the shame into my first Finding Hope meeting… What will these people think of me as a wife? What if I see someone I know?
Again, these are all lies from the enemy.
So how do we let go of the shame so we can begin to heal?
- Verbalize the way you feel: ”I am feeling shame from my mother’s drug addiction.” and say out loud, “My husband (son, granddaughter, etc) is an alcoholic.” This allows you to admit your honest feelings to yourself and acknowledge that your loved one does struggle.
- Write down all the shame you feel, as well as any other feelings that are keeping you trapped.
- Share what you’ve written with a safe person like a trusted friend, a Finding Hope Leader, or a licensed counselor.
- Tell that one person or group that you have been lying to about what is really going on with your loved one. It will be more freeing than you know.
- Get connected or stay connected to a Finding Hope group!
Don’t let the enemy keep you from the HOPE we find in Jesus.
”In You, O Lord, I put my trust; let me never be ashamed; deliver me in Your righteousness.” Psalm 31: 1
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