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Q&A with Finding Hope Coordinator Darcie Stephens
Finding Hope Family Support Groups
Written By
Finding Hope Team
Q&A with Finding Hope Coordinator Darcie Stephens
What’s the most important thing to know when helping a loved one with addiction?
The motto of Finding Hope is simple but powerful: You're not alone, it's not your fault, and there is hope. When people come to our meetings, we throw a lot of information at them and we don’t expect them to hear or remember everything. But if they can at least hear and remember the motto, they have a great start.
When a loved one is an addict, how do you help them without hurting them?
Boundaries.
How do you draw the line between helping an addict and enabling them?
Enabling is doing something for the addict that they can do for themselves. This includes setting appointments, running errands, and so much more. It isn’t easy to draw the line between helping and enabling, but if it is something they can do themselves, stop doing it. We like to think that we're helping them by saying yes to everything, but saying no is okay too. “No” can be a complete sentence, and it is all you have to say.
When is the right time to involve outside help such as a counselor, church leader, or even law enforcement?
You should wait to involve a counselor or church leader until the addict is ready. Forcing it upon them can cause them to shut down.
As for law enforcement, they should be involved anytime the addict imposes danger. It doesn’t matter if they are endangering themselves, their family, or strangers — if danger is present, law enforcement should be involved.
It is also important to reach out for help and prompt the addict to seek help with detox. It’s important if they decide to detox on their own for them to know that they need help because it can be very dangerous.
What are healthy ways to approach the topic of addiction with a loved one — especially when it’s time to involve outside help?
One of the healthiest ways to approach a loved one’s addiction is through the use of “I feel” statements. When you only share how you are feeling, it can open their eyes to see that there is a problem. But, when you come at them with statements that start with “You” or “Your addiction,” they automatically shut down.
As for talking with them about getting help, you have to wait until they are ready. You can’t make them want their recovery more than you want it. That being said, you should have resources readily available to them for when they decide they are ready.
How do you navigate being open about your loved one’s addiction while still respecting their privacy and dignity?
First and foremost, when you are ready to share your story, focus on sharing your perspective and your side only, rather than speaking negatively about your loved one.
Second, Finding Hope meetings create a safe space. This means that if/when your loved one questions you about what you said in the meeting, you can say that what happens at Finding Hope stays at Finding Hope. Period.
Third, social media can be a grey area. If your loved one is in active addiction and denying their addiction, posting on social media can cause a sticky situation. However, if you can share your story in a healthy way, you can reach people that have no outlet so they can know that they're not alone. A lot of people look to their phone for help, making social media a powerful tool.
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