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Loving an Addict and Caring for Yourself
Finding Hope Family Support Groups
Written By
Finding Hope Team
Loving an Addict and Caring for Yourself
When was the last time you did something for yourself?
Last week, I spent over an hour on the phone with someone who has poured their whole self into finding the perfect treatment facility for their loved one. She has done all the research and isn’t stopping, but what I mainly heard on the other side of the phone was pure mental exhaustion. And I know many of you are there, too.
When you love someone struggling with a substance use disorder, it’s easy to lose yourself in the chaos. Families navigating addiction recovery often carry the emotional weight of trying to save the person they love while neglecting their own mental health and well-being. It’s all about how to help your husband get sober, how to help your son get sober, and so on.
We do it all. We call the rehabs, we make the spreadsheets, we talk to the doctors, we Google until there is nothing left to Google, and in the midst of making all those decisions, we worry about making the wrong decision. Before long, we can’t even remember who we have talked to, what place has what, or even what day it is.
You are driving yourself crazy and don’t even know how to stop! Why? Because you are exhausted, drained, and running on adrenaline. Caring for someone battling addiction can take a serious toll on your emotional, physical, and mental health.
(Side note: I want you to know… There is no “perfect” treatment facility, counselor, or addiction recovery program. BUT there are VERY successful addiction treatment centers out there. So don’t make yourself crazy trying to find the perfect one — it doesn’t exist!)
If that sounds like you, please hear my heart today. You are going to make yourself physically and mentally sick if you haven’t already. I know this because I have been there. During the peak of my husband’s addiction, I was sicker (strep, fevers, etc.) than any other year. I was also mentally and emotionally drained. I wasn’t a present mother, daughter, employee, or friend. I was completely consumed by fixing my husband. But the thing is: my husband didn’t want to be fixed, so all that time and energy were wasted.
One of the hardest lessons families in addiction support learn is this: You cannot force someone into recovery. Healing begins when the person struggling with addiction chooses help for themselves.
I could easily make a long list of things you should be doing, but I know that can be overwhelming. So, today I want to ask you to do two things each day this week:
1. Find 30 minutes just for YOU.
Go for a drive, read a book, watch a show, get some ice cream — whatever you enjoy doing and have been neglecting to do. Now here is the harder part: do it with your phone turned off. It’s just 30 minutes. If there is a true emergency, someone can call 911.
Practicing self-care while loving someone with addiction is not selfish — it is necessary.
2. Set a time boundary for your research.
12:00pm–1:00pm, 5:00pm–6:00pm, 7:00pm–8:00pm — whatever works for you. But be sure to set a timer and STOP when the timer goes off. You will begin to get your day back while still having time to learn more about addiction treatment and recovery resources. Just don’t let yourself go down that rabbit trail.
Remember, Hope is Alive has a team dedicated to helping your loved ones find addiction treatment and recovery support. Their job is to meet with treatment facilities and learn the ins and outs of all of them. Let our team take this BIG load off your shoulders.
With hope,
Amy LaRue, Director of Family Support Groups
For more information, visit:
Faith-based support groups for families of addicts and alcoholics.
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