How People Hurt People

How People Hurt People

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Hurt people hurt people.” It’s one of those phrases that sounds simple, but the more you think about it, the more complex it becomes.

When we’re carrying pain, it often spills out onto others. Maybe we’re short with someone who didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe we try to get even with the addict we love. Or maybe we just shut down completely and push people away. Sometimes we don’t even realize it — we’re just reacting from a place that’s already hurting.

And the same thing happens the other way around. People who are hurting will sometimes hurt us. Our loved ones turn to addiction because of a hurt they don’t know how to heal, in turn hurting everyone around them. It’s not that they want to hurt us — it’s that they don’t always realize they are. 

Pain has a way of multiplying if we don’t deal with it in a healthy way. Something someone said, a betrayal, a deep loss — whatever it is — if we don’t process it, it can show up later in ways we don’t expect. We start snapping at people. We grow distant. We hold grudges. We assume the worst. Before we know it, we’re not only hurting from something, but also hurting others because of it.

That’s the cycle. And the only way to stop it is to recognize what’s really going on inside of us.

We can’t control other people, but we can control how we respond to them. We can set healthy boundaries, step back from chaos, show ourselves love, stop reacting impulsively, and seek forgiveness when we realize we’ve caused pain. These choices lead us toward healing, peace, joy, and ultimately — hope.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31–32