Healing the Root, Not Just the Addiction: The Story of Amanda Gentry

Healing the Root, Not Just the Addiction: The Story of Amanda Gentry

Amanda was 13 years old the night she cleaned blood off the floor so her younger brother and sister wouldn't have to see it.

She had finally told someone about years of abuse at the hands of her stepfather. CPS removed her from the home, and eventually her mother filed for divorce. Once everything settled, Amanda was able to live with her mother again. But when her stepfather found them, he attempted suicide just inside their front door.

Instead of being comforted, Amanda rushed her siblings into another room before turning around to help her mom clean up the blood.

“I was 13 years old when my addiction really was starting to kick off,” Amanda shared.

She started with pain pills, which eventually gave way to methamphetamine, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol. Different substances came and went, but they all served the same purpose. Her brain had been wired to use alcohol and other substances to numb the emotional pain of her stepfather’s abuse and suicide attempt.

The Long Road to Recovery

When Amanda first entered Hope is Alive in 2021 at the age of 47, she was ready for change — but not for the reasons she now realizes matter most.

"I was trying to do it for my husband, for my mom, for everybody else," she said. “But I wasn’t ready to do it for myself.”

Even though Amanda threw herself into the program and was only months away from graduating, her inability to cope in healthy ways led to a relapse.

"I wasn't doing well with stress," she said. "I wasn't working on learning my emotions very well. I was still too busy trying to take care of everybody else."

She remembers how quickly everyday frustrations become overwhelming since she hadn't learned healthy ways to process them.

"There was one time that I couldn't figure out how to change my windshield wiper blade," she recalled, "and because I couldn't change it, I got drunk."

It was one of several moments during those four months away from Hope is Alive that convinced Amanda she couldn't keep doing things her way.

When she returned to Hope is Alive to give sobriety a second chance, she was determined to do the deeper work she had avoided the first time. Through Hope is Alive's codependency curriculum, Amanda began recognizing patterns that had shaped her life long before addiction ever did.

"I'm very much a people pleaser," she said. "I have a lot of perfectionism issues and a lot of control issues. It's still really hard for me not to put others before myself, but because of working on my codependencies, I now catch myself. When I start doing it, I can say, 'Hold on. Wait. Back it up.'"

Amanda now sets healthy boundaries, something that once felt impossible. For instance, when she visits her mom, Amanda is intentional about limiting her time there because she knows the environment can still be triggering.

Just as importantly, Amanda stopped trying to carry the weight of recovery alone.

Although she had grown up around church, she never had a personal relationship with Jesus. It wasn’t until coming to Hope is Alive that Amanda truly encountered Christ.

Today, that relationship is the foundation of her recovery. Every morning begins with time in God's Word before anything else. She serves faithfully in her church, leads Bible studies when she can, and continually strives to grow in her relationship with Him.

Where is Amanda Today?

This July, Amanda graduated from Hope is Alive’s recovery program.

She laughs that it took her "four years to finish a two-year program," but she wouldn't change the journey. The setbacks taught her that recovery isn't about perfection. It's about perseverance.

Her advice to anyone who feels trapped by addiction — or by the pain beneath it — is simple: "Let people love you until you can love yourself. I know it's said over and over and over, but it's so true."

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, know that there is hope. No matter how many times you've relapsed or how impossible change seems, freedom is possible — and Hope is Alive won’t stop fighting for it. Let us love you until you can love yourself.

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