Do Fear and Dishonesty Interconnect?

Do Fear and Dishonesty Interconnect?

How many times have you said “I’m fine” when asked how you are? I’ve been trying to find a new answer to that question since losing my daughter, Lacy, 11 years ago. I feel like a liar when giving the most common answer: “I’m fine.” Now, I want to be honest.

The truth is, I haven’t truly been fine on many of those days. When I counted, I realized there are more than 4,000 of them. It makes me wonder: Over all that time, how often have I hidden how I really felt just to make others more comfortable?

Thanks to God, I am now more comfortable saying, “I am doing the best that I can.” 

It’s not a big deal, right? Just a little more honesty. But let me tell you, honesty has led to more genuine conversations. I have seen firsthand that when we are more transparent with others, people feel that they have permission to be more transparent with us. I have had complete strangers look me in the eye and say something personal and relational just because I gave them a real answer. 

I also used to struggle when people would ask me where my kids live and if they are close by. I now answer honestly with this statement: “My daughter is in Heaven and my sons live within three miles of me.”  

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” Ephesians 4:25 

Honesty fosters trust and unity within the body of Christ. In other words, when you choose honesty, even when it’s hard, it brings favor on you. God is pleased with us when we are honest. I have found that, at times, being in a room full of grievers makes being honest difficult. Not all of us are ready for some truths about grief and loss. I never assume my truth is anyone else’s truth, but because of the community we are forming and because God’s word is our handbook, we continue to bring truth to the hurting.

I realized at our last moms’ retreat that some of the pain I still need to work through is forgiving myself for how numb I had become during the final years of Lacy’s addiction. I realized that I wasn’t honest with my feelings during that time. I couldn’t name my feelings. I was hiding from the truth. This can happen in the nightmare of addiction, and it can happen in grief. One of the exercises we use at our Mini Mom Retreats is writing down our feelings in percentages on a feelings chart. We do this at the beginning of the weekend and again when we leave. Honesty, through God’s word, overcomes fear.

What would the world look like if we could all be more honest with ourselves first and with others as well? Sharing truth can make us more vulnerable, more accountable, and more redeemed.

Ephesians 6:10–18 describes the FULL ARMOR OF GOD, the first of the six pieces being THE BELT OF TRUTH. 

Let us all be more honest, as Jesus teaches in Matthew. ”Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” 

Jesus’ call to honesty was not just about actions but also about the condition of the heart. Being honest in our words and actions is fundamental to following Christ, as we are called to live transparently before God and others.

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With hope,

Rhonda Kemp, Lacy's Mom

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