June 2024: Psalm 119

This chapter, the longest in the Bible and very informative, is the chapter I studied last month for my Bible Study. I was unlike a lot of you after the loss of my son: I struggled with anger at God. Through my almost 9 years of this journey, I’ve spoken to many people who have felt God with them through it. I love hearing your stories of where He was with you.

Psalm 119 highlights 7 positive Attributes of God;

1. Righteousness
2. Trustworthiness
3. Truthfulness
4. Faithfulness
5. Unchangeableness
6. Eternality
7. Light 

Humans are unable to change our hearts; working alone we can’t possibly fix our faults. I know this to be true. For three years, I struggled with anger, depression, sadness, and darkness. I am not saying I wanted to follow Satan, but I believed God didn’t love me as much as he loved others; if he had, then my son would have been healed from his addiction to heroin and wouldn’t have died.

In verse 18, the author of this chapter says to God, “Open my eyes.” Right after Jordan passed, I didn’t want my eyes open—I wanted to keep them shut. As I look back, I can understand that it was because I was in denial and I didn’t want to see the truth.

Verse 27 says, “Make me understand.” Again, if I saw clearly what happened, I would be healing from my loss.  

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Verse 32 says, “Enlarge my heart.” That would be acceptance for me. I felt like I had lost a piece of my heart when Jordan left this earth. Actually we do lose a piece of us, but with God walking beside us, we can heal from our loss and work to help others.

I know that God is Righteous, Trustworthy, Truthful, Faithful, Unchangeable, here for Eternity and He is our Light. I can’t go back, but I am forever grateful to learn these things. When I have a bad day, I pray and will continue to trust God will help heal me.

Psalms 119:10 “I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.”

Psalms 119:18 “Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.”

-Cindy Bowling, Jordan’s mother